The Princess and the Misogynistic Toad
by auretra
Summary: Levi recognized her talent for what it was, regardless of the anatomy at the apex of her thighs. Sweat glazed her skin so slick it threw back the light in sparks, her muscles taut and strong. Any man should have feared her. Unfortunately for the rest of Squad Levi, Auruo Bossard didn't quite catch that memo. Petra/Auruo. Fill for the SnK kink meme.


Contrary to popular belief among the males of the Survey Corps, Petra Ral could do everything the men in Squad Levi could do, and often better. While Erd and Gunter's hulking statures could prove difficult when maneuvering around obstacles, the tiny Petra took to the air with an ethereal grace, bounding from branch to air seamlessly. Her movements were practiced and poised, blades slicing through air and flesh with protracted grace.

It was why Levi hand-picked her in the first place, after weeks of early mornings peering down from his window, sizing her up as she practiced in the dawn. He'd noticed her first when she'd knocked one of Hanji's men out when he'd copped a feel in the mess hall. Her movements were efficient and quick like a well-oiled machine. It hadn't taken long to find out her training schedule - every morning at dawn, in the courtyard beneath his window.

Levi recognized her talent for what it was, regardless of the anatomy at the apex of her thighs. Sweat glazed her skin so slick it threw back the light in sparks, her muscles taut and strong. Any man should have feared her.

Unfortunately for the rest of Squad Levi, Auruo Bossard didn't quite catch that memo.

Taking in the woman Levi brought before them - even shorter than the _captain_, if that was possible - Auruo snorted. And crossed his arms. And cocked his head, gaze thick with condescension, peering at the girl as if regarding something small and insignificant. Which, to him, she was.

"Oi Captain... wasn't Oliver's replacement supposed to be... y'know, a _suitable_ one?" _Bingo_. He smirked at the way the redhead's eyes widened, shoulders visibly stiff. Auruo leaned forward with his fists pressing against his hipbones. "Unless she's going to give _birth_ to him or something, I don't see why the hell this _girl_ is-"

Auruo didn't finish his sentence, or even his thought. Petra's left uppercut managed to knock him out cold for three hours. When he woke up in the infirmary, the only people there to greet him were his nurse, and Levi. Though the captain was not an intimidating man in appearance, it took only fourteen words for Auruo to fear for his life, his position, and his testicles.

The meat of the message: apologize to Petra, or face castration.

Naturally, Auruo took the hint.

Still, he was nothing if not proud. Before any attempt to speak something remotely remorseful to the munchkin from hell, Auruo would make sure the situation was actually as dire as Levi implied.

It only took a few inquiries to learn that the intent behind his _words of encouragement_ had proved super-effective. Petra, as politely as she could manage, had informed Levi that she couldn't work with such a, and Erd quoted, "_misogynistic toad_." Therefore, Levi had decided that if it came down to the line, he would choose Petra over Auruo.

Erd suspected it was because Levi was tired of Auruo imitating him like a damn parrot.

Auruo suspected Levi was intimidated by his overwhelming masculinity and needed to eliminate the threat early on, before Erwin noticed and saw fit to switch their job titles.

Still, Auruo trumped all three flights of stairs to Petra's door. To avoid confrontation, he told himself. Not because Levi intimidated him. Definitely not. Besides, all it would take were three short knocks at her door, a sorry or two, and he'd recover his lost job security.

"Here goes nothing," he muttered, reaching his hand out to knock.

"_Just a second!_" The voice that answered was sweet and feminine. Auruo rolled his eyes. Some tough guy she was. What the hell was the captain thinking? So what if she got in one lucky shot. Auruo could have knocked himself out for longer, anyway. He had before – that one time on a training mission, when he'd maneuvered wrong into a tree. Ouch.

"Petra reporting for—Oh." The girl's eyes, which had been wide, honey-coloured, and warm quickly cooled to amber. "You again. So my punch didn't kill you, then. Such a pity."

_The nerve of her… what a bitch. _Auruo scowled, reaching a hand out to flick Petra's forehead."Say princess, mind laying off the offense? I'm here to apologize." The last word was spat, like he were admitting to enjoying playing house with his little sisters when he was granted leave (he didn't, by the way).

Petra swatted at the hand he'd flicked her with. She leaned against her doorjamb, eyes half-lidded with doubt – and was that a trace of amusement? Forget bitch – Petra Ral was a _hag_.

Auruo opened his mouth to say as much—

—and woke up in the infirmary three hours later _yet again_, this time with Erd and Gunter at his bedside. They weren't there long – turns out Auruo didn't like being welcomed back to the land of the living with laughter and jeers of "_decked twice by a midget_."

Petra Ral was quickly becoming public enemy number one.

. . . . .

The next few days were spent with Auruo avidly avoiding Petra and Petra avidly avoiding Auruo. Training was a wreck – Levi was certain to pair Erd with Auruo and Gunter with Petra. The first time he'd made the mistake of pairing Auruo and Petra together, the two had nearly taken each other out, with Auruo splitting her lip and Petra landing a well-aimed kick right between Auruo's legs.

Three weeks later, the bruises of their first few fated encounters had faded, but the animosity was as strong as ever.

"Old man."

"Heifer."

"Toad."

"Weakling."

"Fat-ass."

"I'm not fucking _fat_, you little—"

"Enough," Levi demanded, his voice two decibels higher than the normal monotone.

Even Erd and Gunter, who'd been stifling their laughter, snapped to attention. This was the equivalent of Levi screaming himself red-faced, and they'd only heard him raise his voice like that once before, when Hanji got too close to one of her Titans.

Petra's face flushed pink, and the sight of it irritated Auruo, for whatever inexplicable reason. Of course she'd be embarrassed to be reprimanded by _Captain Levi_. Shifting his weight, the soldier sighed in mild exasperation, running a hand through his sandy hair. "I apologize, Captain." Petra, it seemed, was too embarrassed to speak words, and was currently peering down at her shoes. Typical.

The captain glanced between the both of them with something akin to a scowl on his face. Captain Levi wasn't one to show much emotion, at least in ways remotely evident to people who didn't know him as well as his squad did. Though Petra was too new to really know the spectrum of Levi's feelings, Auruo knew that most of the warrior's visible expression lay in the set of his lips. His eyes were always focused and intense, trained on some goal invisible to those around him. They weren't an accurate indicator of the corporal's feelings, not anywhere near as accurate as the lay of his mouth. When Levi was pleased, one corner would quirk a millimeter upward. When Levi was bothered or, dare they think it, _sad_, the usual frown softened to something quieter, more resigned – as resigned as a man like Captain Levi could really be, anyway.

Now, with his lips pulled taut over his teeth, Levi was unquestionably annoyed. Auruo knew this, but he didn't know what to do about it.

Still, something needed to be done before they were all running 50 laps around the facility for wasting valuable time by being incorrigible.

In the end, it was Erd who suggested _it_ – the shot that pierced Auruo straight through his core.

"Say, Captain Levi… Why don't you have them kiss and make up?"

Somewhere in the vicinity of the earth's core, Auruo's brain flopped weakly – far below his shoes, where Petra's jaw currently resided.

"**_WHAT?!_**"

The exclamation was unanimous, from Petra and Auruo both – an instantaneous reaction that had them staring at one another, as if each's opposite had declared sexual attraction to Titans.

"Don't joke about such gross things, Erd!" Petra danced on both feet, squishing imaginary beetles beneath her boots.

"Take out your freaky fantasies on somebody else!" Auruo spluttered, face red and arms crossed tight over his chest.

Said freaky fantasizer rolled his eyes. "Geez, it was a suggestion. Captain ought to make you two play tag with the Aberrants."

"_I thought we were friends!_"

"I'm waiting."

The last statement came from none other than Levi himself. The entire squad turned to him with jaws slack and eyes wide. The silence deafened. Somewhere across the complex, excited screams (probably Hanji's) were heard about some new shipment of books from Wall Sina archives. A bird dropped a load a few inches from Petra's feet, but the girl was entirely too caught off guard to notice.

Levi's stare was unwavering. Auruo swallowed heavily beneath it. "You're both acting ridiculous. Your commitment to this squad is no longer evident." Levi turned his heavy gaze from Auruo to Petra, who visibly flinched. "In fact, your only real commitment seems to be to one another." The corporal's eyes narrowed. "Even if it _is_ manifested through one fucking idiotic game of one-up."

Petra looked ready to melt into a puddle on the ground by the time Levi turned his eyes back to Auruo. "With that kind of logic, why shouldn't you kiss? You do seem quite taken with one another."

In that moment, Auruo wasn't sure which was more frightening: Levi's anger, his sarcasm – or his expectant stare.

"So, get on with it. I don't have all day. If you get it over with, I'll forget how annoying you've been the past month and take it on faith that you're mature enough to serve in an operation of this magnitude."

Put that way, there really was no getting out of it. Auruo swallowed hard and glanced at Petra… who was looking at him like he were one of Hanji's test subjects. Perfect.

"Put your back into it!" Erd chimed. Auruo's glare did nothing to stifle he and Gunter's laughs, nor did it cease the weight of Levi's stare on his back.

Truth be told, Auruo hadn't kissed many girls. Back in his school days, none of them were as impressed by his pick-up lines as the drunk soldiers of the wall guard promised they'd be. Most of his action came in the form of party games – and even then, his advances were limited by his inexperience. For all he knew, Petra could be an aficionado of the oral arts; a regular kissing Adonis. The thought made his stomach churn – what if Levi discounted his efforts for lack of skill? What if _Petra_ was forgiven and he wasn't?

Auruo's eyes narrowed. _Over his rotting corpse_. The Titans would eat him alive before he would allow himself to lose to that girl.

He acted on impulse, striding and grasping Petra's shoulders with surprisingly steady hands. The girl's lips parted in shock. Her eyes, warm like sunlight – like they were when they gazed at anyone but him – were wide like a cornered rabbit. Her fear made Auruo freeze. He hadn't taken into account Petra's feelings. Shit, he wasn't that kind of man, to take advantage of a girl in a compromising position and – wait. Why the hell was he giving a shit about Petra's feelings, of all people? Did that mean he cared about her? On some strange, inexplicable, _miniscule_ level?

Auruo didn't have much time to think about that terrifying prospect, because within the next few seconds, it was Petra who darted forward.

Auruo's last thoughts as her lips closed in were that, well… it could be worse.

Two seconds later, he was very right.

Both soldiers parted with a yelp, grabbing their noses and letting out a wounded whine at exactly the same time. In Petra's haste, she had knocked their noses together, hard enough for the sound to echo through the glen.

The group was silent for all of two seconds before the two of them were right back to square one.

"_Shit_, Petra!" Auruo shot the woman a glare that would have melted glaciers, a few droplets of blood leaking from between his fingers. "If you wanted me dead, there were better ways than blood loss via nosebleed!"

"Don't you blame me!" Petra fired back, hand dropping to reveal a visible red mark smack in the middle of her face. "You're the idiot who shifted position!"

"Why were you so eager to kiss me, anyway? I know I'm gorgeous n' all, but there's no need to be hasty!"

"WH- what exactly are your standards for gorgeous?! If slimy, repulsive, and archaic looking are the parameters, then sure, you're a spot on match!"

"Coming from the vertically-challenged toddler!"

"Oh, for Christ's _sake_." Auruo felt a hand on the back of his neck a second before he watched the same hand wind around the back of Petra's. Their eyes locked in tandem, the both of them stiff and frozen – far too shocked to resist as Erd pressed them together, their lips mashing in an awkward fashion that made Auruo's stomach positively _flutter_—flutter? It was warm, and somewhat wet, as Petra's bottom lip had wedged its way between his – was that supposed to happen? Shit, was he even doing this right?

Petra released a high pitched noise that was half-shock and half-nonverbal flailing. Her body was apparently paralyzed, seeing as she was still kissing Auruo when Erd's hands finally left their necks. Their lips, like the rest of their bodies, didn't move a muscle.

Just when Petra felt her body about to spontaneously combust, Auruo finally gathered his wits and broke away. Their eyes clashed, the tension between them taught like a bow string – and Auruo was stammering something about how it was high time they practiced their maneuver gear, because after all, wasn't that why they were up at six a.m. in the first place? The man laughed awkwardly, not waiting for Levi's command before he shot himself up onto one of the buildings, catapulting away from Petra at light speed.

He would die before he let her see the colour staining his cheeks. And, after all, stupid girls like her needed to learn from example, right?

Levi could grade their performance later, once Auruo could face Petra without the stupid urge to grab her and kiss her again – hopefully correctly this time.


End file.
